Having twins really escalates things. With our firstborn, everything was pretty smooth sailing for the most part. Sure, we had some frustrating moments and hard days in there but overall, it seemed to go fairly well. Then, two more babies came along and I can definitely say that becoming a twin mom has brought a new set of challenges, mistakes, surprises and a whole lot of new “what am I doing” laughs… with a side of updated lazy mom hacks.

Here are 11 confessions of my first 10-months as a twin mom:

I’ve mutilated the same baby’s finger tips while clipping nails. Multiple times 

But never the other twin for some reason. Here I was bragging to everyone about these kick-ass baby nail clippers that I swore were foolproof and then I go and cut the same twins fingertip skin (more than one finger) on several occasions. I blame it on her tininess but damn, did it bleed… a lot. You really learn how to quickly MacGyver up a tiny bandage in those situations. I consider myself an expert with scotch tape now (mental note to add to list of expertise on resume).

There’s nothing like going to the nail salon when the twins were a couple months old and having the owner pick up the babies hands and immediately notice that I had done this. Then start to yell “TIFFANY, COME SEE THIS… YOU COME HERE NEXT TIME… YOU’RE VERY BAD AT IT.” It’s like they saw her little maimed baby fingers from a mile away as I walked into the salon.

I sometimes forget to feed them

Hear me out, if I have all three kids at home and everyone is all over the place and on different nap cycles, or if I’m exhausted and that day felt like a complete blur, then yes, I have definitely forgotten to feed a baby or two. I clearly realized it later when said baby would be losing her shit and I started to wonder when the last time she ate was. “Oh crap, she hasn’t eaten since 8am” (it’s now 1pm) WOOPS! This may or may not have happened on multiple occasions. Don’t tell my husband… I gave him shit the other day for forgetting to feed the kids.

I secretly like cleaning out the wax in their ears

Yep, you heard it right! There’s something so damn satisfying about cleaning a baby’s ears. I don’t really understand how their tiny hearing organs get so dirty but there’s nothing like taking my pinky finger and getting in all those grooves and crevasses. It feels like an accomplishment when I’m done (this is probably a sign that I need a new hobby). While some of you may be cringing, I may as well add in here that it’s also equally as gratifying when you clean the lint out of their little baby fingers and toes. Just saying.

I definitely mixed them up during the first week

And still have trouble deciphering who’s who at first glance in some newborn photos. I eventually get it right but usually have to take a second look at times. They really don’t look anything alike but it’s amazing how when you put two human blobs side-by-side, it can certainly mess with your head.

I sometimes try and nap on the floor while they play on me

Occasionally, it works for a while as they become very entertained with themselves and think it’s hilarious. However, most of the time, I end up yelling “NO” because one bites me while the other yanks my fragile thin hair out of my skull. It always seems like such a great idea at the beginning. Parenting fails for days over here.

I have a favourite twin

But this changes frequently. It usually depends on the day and the extreme level of whininess. Today, my favourite is the girl twin because her brother has been so damn moany all fucking day and it’s killing me slowly. Yesterday, the boy twin was my favourite by a landslide. The girl decided that she would just cry and scream at the loudest octave possible from the time she woke up in the morning to the very minute she went to bed at night. She would also either throw every piece of food I gave her on the ground or chew it for a couple of seconds and then just regurgitate it onto herself or the floor. So, you see, it’s hard to choose a full-time favourite as they both tend to suck on opposite days.

I didn’t think I wanted a boy before finding out the gender

A lot of my friends can attest to me previously saying that I would rather have baby girls than baby boys (if I had a choice). This was most likely due to the fact that we already had a girl and she had been so darn easy up until that point. I also think that you tend to be ok with what you already have because you know it better.

Anyway, as soon as I got to hold little baby B (the boy twin), my whole outlook changed. I’m now heard saying how much I love little baby boys because they’re so much cuddlier and more smiley and chill. I do also think the whole “momma’s boy” thing is an accurate statement here as he definitely loves me more than his Dad. JOKING… maybe.

I compare them to each other

But how do you not?! Seriously though… even when it came to weigh ins when they were newborns, I would be like “why is he gaining so much and she’s gaining none? Is there something wrong with her?”. Or I’d wonder why he would stand and her legs would crumple in the Jolly Jumper. Or why she sucked at eating when we first tried foods but he got it right away? We definitely compare them in terms of who does what first or when but I wouldn’t say it’s in a competitive way. It’s more so a type of tracking system we use. For example, when one started to crawl or do the pre-crawling movements, we were wondering when the other would pick it up and assumed it would happen quickly. Currently, one walks with a walker while the other doesn’t, but she stands on her own and he doesn’t. So yes, we’re wondering who will walk first and why the other isn’t doing the same. Who wants to take bets on which twin will be first?

I always wanted twins

But as soon as we found out, I panicked for a solid 6 months. I wasn’t panicking about how I was going to manage it all, but more so the “how is my body going to carry two babies” or “how am I going to get them all into the car on my own” or “where are we going to put all of our stuff that’s currently in the other bedroom?”. Clearly, I was very worried about only the most important things (cue eye roll). It’s actually kind of funny how none of that stuff really matters and everything just works out. A big part of my panic was that I never really wanted to have kids so close together in age. Yes, I know how birth control works and clearly took the risk knowing if we got pregnant, they would be under two-years apart. But fuck! We got twins and that changed everything in my brain. I think it must just be the norm to panic for a while after finding out there’s more than one in there. Fun fact: Both my husband and I would always tell people that we wanted twins before we had our firstborn. So, even though we did want them at one point, we still freaked out.

I use the same bottle for multiple formula refills each day

And we’ve let them share bottles since day one. We try not to most of the time but that doesn’t always go too well. I have no idea what the suggested length of time is for reusing baby bottles each day, but here we are. Sometimes, we go most of the day before remembering to get new ones. I wonder if my kids have some sort of weird virus!? or maybe they have a crazy high immune system? Who knows but they seem happy!

I’m excited to go back to work

But know that I’ll miss this time with them once I’m there. Although quarantine life has been intense and emotionally draining, I do feel lucky to have had this time with all three of them together. It’s that whole “always want what you can’t have” thing. I love working but also love spending time with my kids. I’m going to fill you all in on a little secret here and blow your minds…. This is what we call “LIFE”. We always want the best of both worlds but sometimes don’t realize that we already have it. Whoa, who’s the cheese ball over here? Mmm… cheese.