I’ll keep this one short and sweet.
If you’ve never had these thoughts run through your head then holy shit balls you must be a very calm, yoda-ish type of person. Or, you’ve never experienced several small children just screaming and whining non-stop for a solid 30 minutes while you’re trying to accomplish any task at all, like opening a banana because you haven’t eaten anything all day.
And people wonder why some of us often opt for the glass of wine instead… I tell ya!
This isn’t just a toddler specific non-liking of my kids. It really starts right from the get-go with the good ol’ brutal “newborn phase”. Yes, you heard me correctly… I am not the biggest fan of this phase of parenthood. I have 3 kids and never really loveeeddddd the newborn age. My husband fully agrees. Why? Because babies kind of suck. I know some of you are sitting there like “ohhh but the baby snuggles… and the baby smell…and the baby noises… they are just the best”. But nope, you seem to be forgetting the literal shit show that comes with babies. The crying and not being able to communicate part or the frustration you feel when they wake your ass up multiple times a night. Those are the moments when I like to tell my husband just how much I dislike my child. For those of you who want to get a better idea of how I deal with babies at night, feel free to read my previous post called “Night-Time Rage”.
Anyway, this is where those thoughts start. And then, they just sort of spontaneously appear over the next few years and I’m starting to think that this will never end until they’re roughly 30, or older. I guess this goes hand-in hand with the worrying you will continue to do for the rest of your child’s life. Did I just explain parenting in two sentences?! Whoa.
You don’t have to like being a mom all the time. There are no rules saying that you’re a bad mom if you don’t LOVE every waking second you have with your kids. If anything, this only makes you human. Most people say they don’t like their careers sometimes and that doesn’t mean they’re bad at what they do. Again, they’re normal people who sometimes need to vent or maybe their job pissed them off that day. Also, it goes both ways as I’m sure most people have “not liked” their parents at several points in their lives. Like when they didn’t let you get that chocolate bar at the grocery store or when they wouldn’t bend on your curfew…
So when I say to you that I want to drop-kick my child today because she’s driving me crazy, this doesn’t mean that I am actually going to perform this action. It’s simply me trying to explain just how shitty my kid was today and how I was at my wits end. Again, not liking my child for a hot second. IT’S OK!
I realize this can get me into a bit of hot water depending on the verbiage I tend to use. When the twins were around 5 months, I remember saying that I wanted to throw them out the window. This was a pretty regular thing I would say when my mom asked how it was going on certain days of the week and I knew she understood that I was joking. Then, when I said it casually in a separate conversation with people who didn’t know me well, it was not taken too lightly and the looks I received were somewhere in between scared, shocked and hard-core judgement.
No, I don’t actually want to hurt my kids or drop kick them out a window but sometimes the frustration level gets so high that saying those things really helps get me through the day. I wouldn’t say that I’m an angry person by nature but more of a blunt, say-what-I’m-feeling-right-at-that-exact-moment type person, so you tend to get some really weird (and entertaining) things coming out of my mouth at certain times. You’re welcome.
So yes, there have been many times where I have disliked my children in their few years on this planet, but that moment is usually very short-lived and spastic on my end.
I will leave you with a little tidbit of comparison…
How good does it sometimes feel to yell the work F*CK real loud?! Or, if you’re like me, you tend to say this several times a day under your breath. Whatever the situation, that feeling of relief after you say it is the same feeling I get when I SAY I want to put my child outside my door with a “free” sign attached. Too far? (Insert teeth-clenching emoji)